


Taako's Fuckhouse

by 37bats



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Tentacle Sex, its totally consensual dont worry i wouldnt pull shit like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:10:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9662930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/37bats/pseuds/37bats
Summary: Taako's got a tentacle kink and just wants to get off.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Told myself I'd finish this before the new episode but that didn't happen. RIP kravitz at least you got laid lol.
> 
> The worst part is I'm not even into tentacles or anything I just. I don't know. I don't sound sincere when saying that cause this is 3k fuckin words but you can decide whether or not to trust me on this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> EDIT: I realize there was a line at the end that sounded really inappropriate and I wanted this to be absolutely consensual so I changed it. Sorry to anyone that read it and was made uncomfortable, I didn't think about what other meaning it might have given the circumstances. I don't want anything I write to be considered noncon ever.

Based on certain recent experiences, Taako decided he probably has a tentacle fetish. Considering how many spells he both knew and used that involved them, maybe it isn't that surprising at all. And you know what they say: once is an experiment, twice is a kink. He had to admit, seeing someone being restrained by writhing tentacles was pretty appealing. There was something about the wriggling that really got him going. For some reason. Hell, who cares why? All he knew is that tentacles made him horny as all fuck and he could only think of one way to resolve it. He needed to get someone to try it out with, someone who'd be totally willing to get slimed up in a completely sexual way.

“Yo Krav, you there?” Taako calls through his stone of far speech, “Wanna have a little hang-sesh at my place?” There was a short silence from the other end and he almost decided to give it up before the telltale crackle of his signal being picked up.

Kravitz's voice rang through, slight and whispered, “I'm sort of in the middle of a reaping right now, would rather not plan a date until after.”

“Aw you called it a date.”

“Yes, because we're dating.”

“Haha, yeah. Anyway, call me back when you're done taking care of some lich-y fucks, 'kay?”

He hears a faint sigh from his stone. “Will do,” Kravitz replies, before cutting the connection off. What a babe.

Since there's no telling how long it'll take for Kravitz to finish his job, Taako decides to do a little prep work in the form of spell slots, and for some reason it feels so unfamiliar, like he hasn't done it in a while. He decides to only use the black tentacles because there's no point in making his already cold homeboy any icier. As nice as milky tentacles sound, the other effects of Hunger of Hadar may just be a bit too much. Plus there's no guarantee he'll even use it in the first place, so no spells wasted, woohoo.

Gods he really hopes Kravitz is chill with this. His dick cannot be anymore excited.

A surprisingly short time passed before he heard Kravitz's voice over the stone again. “Taako? Hello?”

Taako swiped the stone from his pocket and answered quickly, but not too quickly. He's chill and not worked up or nervous. You should see his totally stoic face right now, not an emotion to be seen.

“How's it goin’ my guy?” He asks.

“I'm alright, certainly better now after talking to you,” Kravitz's replies with an audible smile, the sly dog.

“Fucking sweet. I got some bottles of wine and the softest cushions you will ever set your ass on. Hurry over or I'll take up the whole couch.”

“I've sat on your couch before, it's not that great.”

“Hey fuck off, don't talk shit about my couch.”

Kravitz laughs and it's such a sweet sound. “I'll be over in a second, if that's okay?”

“Yeah cool. I'll be laying on my fucking _comfy as hell_ couch, which you're not allowed on anymore,” Taako snips, maybe a bit too defensively. He just really likes his couch, okay? It was small and cheap, but good. He's getting too far away from his original intent, gotta draw it back a bit. “... Unless you can convince me otherwise,” he provides as an outlet. It's exactly the right amount of vagueness needed, but the implication is undeniable.

“We'll see,” Kravitz replies before the connection cuts out. From the other side of his room, Taako hears the tell tale sound of a portal opening and sees Kravitz stepping through. Let the party start.

“Nice sweatpants,” he greets.

“Nice suit,” Taako shoots back, “is that number 23 or 45? I always get them mixed up.”

“Fair enough,” he walks over and leans down to kiss him. Taako reaches his arms up to wrap around the reaper's neck, kissing back gently. “So may I join you down there?” His voice is soft as he pulls away the slightest bit.

It's in Taako's nature to immediately turn him down, to make Kravitz beg for it on his knees (gonna have to keep that thought in the back of his mind for later), but he feels a little more compliant tonight. Especially if it means he gets Kravitz tangled up in Evard's Good Shit. “What're you waiting for babe, c’mon down to smooch town,” he invites.

Kravitz grins for a second before pressing their lips together again, lifting a leg to straddle Taako. Their combined weight sinks the cushions down, springs groaning in retaliation. The both of them don't exactly fit on the smallish furniture, which is the only bad thing about it. It's a good couch.

Kravitz pulls away, and for a second Taako thinks he was reading his mind about the couch thing, but instead he says, “Mind if I go get the wine?”  
The options weigh in his head. On one hand, they could chug down some cheap wine, Taako presents his idea, and they bone down. On the other, he'd have to stop the make out session for a few minutes. Tough choice.

“Go for it, it should be on the counter,” he relinquishes.

Kravitz gets up, springs squeaking again, and grabs the a bottle and two glasses. Taako sits up, smoothing down the mussed up side of his hair. He grabs the glass handed to him, eyes it, then sets it down on the floor, reaching instead to grab the bottle. “No need for all that,” he says before taking a swig.

“Why are you like this,” Kravitz shakes his head, smiling and setting down his glass too. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em; Taako liked that sort of credo. They continue drinking, becoming less and less sober, more and more touchy as the night passes.

Once the bottle joins the discarded glasses, and another is brought out and finished off too, they continue where they left off. Taako speaks up from where he's seated in Kravitz's lap, “So, I sort of have a little proposition,” he drawled.

Kravitz’s face twists. “Oh no.”

“Uh, wow, I mean, okay,” he raises his hands in exaggerated defeat, “if that’s how you’re gonna be, fine I-”

“Taako please,” he interrupts, “I’ll listen, just don’t go off, okay?”

“If you insist,” Taako waves his hand noncommittally, ignoring the glare fixed at him, “Anyway, what I was thinking of was… bringing a little ‘magic’ into the bedroom?”

“And that means…?” Kravitz questions, nose scrunching up.

“Okay so you like, remember how we first met, yeah?” His face scrunches up some more until all expression completely drops and Taako is left with a deadpan dead man staring back at him.

“... You wanna tentacle my dick? Like, for real?”

“Yeah! If you’re up for it, man.”

He looks completely flustered, mouth opening and closes in an attempt to form a response. If there was any blood in that body no doubt it’d be rushing to his face. “This is by far the oddest proposal I’ve gotten,” was all he offered.

“So, yay or nay?” Taako leans in closer.

There was a brief silence in the room, waiting for any kind of answer. It wasn't until Taako began nibbling on Kravitz's neck before he gave any sort of reaction.

“How would this- this thing play out,” he says and Taako is delighted.

He gave a sort of play by play on what would go down. Tentacles this, wiggling that, while Kravitz nodded every few points. So far he didn't seem deterred, but not convinced either. “We could do a test run, you know? See if you're into it, if not we'll never do it again,” Taako presented, trying not to make it seem like them never getting down and dirty with some prehensile limbs was very much a disappointment. Kravitz gave one last nod to that before going silent again. Taako felt him hum, a deep reverberating feeling in his chest, before a long breath inward.

“We… could try it out. I have nothing to lose,” Kravitz says quietly.

 _Hell yeah,_ was what would have come out of Taako's mouth if he hadn't immediately latched onto Kravitz, kissing him roughly. He seemed taken aback by the sudden surge of energy, but gave in eventually, meeting Taako's eagerness. He felt hands grab his hips as he ran his fingers through dreadlocks. Taako felt himself being lowered from his previous seat comfortably in a bony lap (in more ways than one, he might add), to the cushions. “Don't think there's enough room here, babe,” he gasps when they break apart for a moment.

In all his half-lidded eyed glory, Kravitz seems to agree wholeheartedly before standing up, offering his hand to Taako, who gladly accepts it.

“Mmkay, so I'm gonna need you to stand there,” he points to one of the few spaces in the floor not covered in junk. Kravitz gives a confused look before complying. Taako grabs his umbra staff, laying haphazardly against a table leg and notices Kravitz visibly tensing up. Right, this bad boy here nearly tried to kill him that one time. “Don't worry, I won't even point it at you. I got this,” he reassures, not totally able to confirm or deny whether or not he's really got it.

“Er, are we really just going to go straight into it?” Fuck, right, foreplay is totally a thing. But was he really worried about getting in the mood first before his own safety? Taako can appreciate that.

“Good point, give me a min’ bone dogg,” he says before taking off his shirt and shuffling out of his sweatpants and underwear. Socks off, hat off, jewelry off, he's totally bare naked to his boyfriend, who is clearly into what he's seeing. Not that he hasn't seen it all before, of course. He motions for Kravitz to start undressing too, who complies pretty easily, though the process takes a little bit longer. It's a bit weird to be standing on nearly opposite ends of the room to each other completely naked, so Taako crosses the distance and wraps his arms around Kravitz again, who does the same back. As usual, their body temperatures were polar opposites and Taako shivers with first contact. He figures things are going to heat up eventually (oh boy oh boy) and gets straight into it, shoving his tongue into the reaper’s mouth, running his hands down a firm but definitely lean torso and palming at Kravitz's cock. A breathy moan escapes him. As quiet as the guy tends to be during sex, he can still make some damn good sounds. He also feels Kravitz making a move, grabbing Taako's ass.

He presses their dicks together and continues stroking, very much taking pleasure in how handsy Kravitz is being. Gods, if he doesn't pull away now he's gonna nut.

“You wanna do this already?” Taako asks, just the slightest bit out of breath. For a second, Kravitz hesitates and he thinks they might have to finish where they're standing, but there comes a subtle nod from above him. Taako steps back and grabs his umbrella from off the floor, points it towards Kravitz's feet, and casts the spell. A low humming sounds before ten foot black tentacles shoot up from the ground, rubbery and wiggly and oh so fine. He has enough control over them to give the command,  _don't crush the dude you're about to grab, just fool around with him a bit,_ to just let them do the work from here on out. They curl around Kravitz's body, around his arms, legs, and torso, before lifting him into the air. He looks panicked for a second, and Taako nearly cuts off the spell right there. Before he does, though, Kravitz says, maybe too loudly given their short distance from each other, “I'm okay, I'm fine, just- just give me a sec to get used to this.”

The tentacles hold him, making sure not to let go, but also not constricting him. He swallows, shudders, then gives Taako the go ahead.

 _Go for the dick_ \- wait _just tease him first. I wanna enjoy this_ , he commands the tentacles, and then sits his ass down to enjoy the show. There's some random garbage digging into his butt, wondering if it'd be better to sit on his bed instead. The view is better here, so here he will stay and… jerk off? He hadn't actually planned anything for himself. Taako's just gonna hang back and masturbate. Whatever.

The ends of the free tentacles lightly drag themselves up and down Kravitz, who has goosebumps crawling across his skin, from pinching his nipples to sliding up his inner thighs. The view here is good, cause he can see every inch of his boyfriend shuddering and jerking at every touch. Speaking of touch, Taako spits in his hand and reaches down, stroking himself at a slow pace. _Okay, now you can go for the dick_ , he signals. One wraps the very end of itself around Kravitz's cock and the resulting moan was delicious as all hell. It's probably has the perfect amount of goop on it to serve as a replacement lube and oh gods he just had a good idea. The best idea. He relayed his scheme to the tentacles, who if they were sentient, would also probably agree that it was fucking great.

The two tentacles holding Kravitz’s legs spread them apart, while another swayed behind him. Kravitz, who seemed too absorbed by what he was currently feeling, hadn't given a sign that he noticed. Taako pursed his lips. Would it be wrong to surprise him with a tentacle in the ass, or no? If he did, could he just blame it on the fake magic squid doing its own thing? He didn't necessarily want to be responsible for any discomfort caused to his boyfriend, but if he was, he'd be sure as hell to blame it on something else. The tentacles went for it at his instruction.

Kravitz seized up, breath held fast at the sudden intrusion. It was slow, at first, just trying to find purchase in the tight ring of muscle, but eventually it went deeper as it stretches him out. He was biting his lip so hard it was sure to hurt, trying to silence the groans of pain that came out anyway. _Shit_ , Taako thought, _slow it down a bit_. The tentacle thankfully stopped itself, pulling out enough that Kravitz relaxed his body to the state it was before. To Taako's surprise, his now strained voice called out with as much force as he could muster, “You- you didn't have to stop.”

He was dealing with an absolute masochist and he is only now realizing it. Taako is fucking ecstatic beyond belief, but also a little disappointed that he couldn't have experimented with that previously. Guess he was just gonna have to make do with what he had now.

He gave the tentacles another order, which filled up Kravitz again. Another low groan dragged across the air, this time Taako becoming aware of how wanton it really sounded. Kravitz's noises, more frequent than usual, is making his dick twitch. Like, a lot. He really needs to slow his horses if he doesn't want to cum before Kravitz, which would be embarrassing as all hell. Him, busting a nut before the guy who's actually getting fucked? Wouldn't wish that upon his worst enemies. Well, maybe some of them.

Kravitz, to the best of his ability, given the situation, rocks his hips to set a pace for the tentacle to follow. It tries to match the reaper's thrusting, though it's a bit inconsistent in rhythm. If it were Taako there, he'd be fucking Kravitz perfectly, he squinted, feeling bitter. He wants in on this action a bit more than he thought he would, which leads to him coming up with another awesome idea.

He tells Evard to bring Kravitz down to eye level, stroking the man's chilly face when it does. Kravitz startles at the sudden touch, blinking dazedly when realizing it's Taako's hand. “I'm feeling kind of left out here, mind doing something for me?” he asks. There's a nod, and Taako leads Kravitz's head down to his navel. He picks up on what he's wanted to do, sticking his tongue out and licking a long strip from the base of Taako's cock to the head. He takes the top half into his mouth in one go and man this would be so much more enjoyable if he had remembered how cold Kravitz was. It's only just bearable thanks to how sloppy he's being. There's spit running down the corners of his mouth and especially on Taako's dick. Poor guy's so pleasure drunk he can't stop drooling on his bf’s crotch. It's cute enough for him to throw his head back and cry out like a virgin.

Kravitz pulls back, panting, “I'm close…” Taako's surprised he made it this long with all the stimulation, but he can't say he knows everything about Death. “Please, please let me come, gods,” he whines.

“Uh, yeah dude go ahead,” Taako invites, unsure what he's talking about.

“I can't, I can't the fucking- tentacle,” he groans out, digging the side of his head into Taako's thigh.

Taako looks behind him to see, lo and behold, the one tentacle is wrapped around his cock tight enough to prevent him from coming. Jeez, that isn't a pretty sight at all. He annoyedly tells the wriggly buddies to chill the fuck out, and when they release their grip, Kravitz not only falls the remaining way to the floor, but also blows his load all over the floor. Nasty.

Taako lets him take a breather, before nudging him with his foot. He'd love to let him rest, but there's also a serious hard-on that won't stop bugging him. Krav just barely lifts his head from where it's situated on Taako's lap, eyes barely open, and looking like he was fucked good. Damn straight.

“Wanna let me get off too, hon?” He grins down.

Kravitz doesn't say a word, but lifts his upper body just enough to move himself so he can get back to his messy blow job. All it took was a few licks and head bobs for Taako to come in Kravitz's mouth. He grabbed the reaper by the face and pulls him up for a good, long kiss.

“How's that for tent porn,” Taako muttered to a barely conscious Kravitz. He laughed faintly in response, nuzzling further into the elf’s hold. For a moment he wonders if post-weird-fetish-sex stuff should be as tender as it is right now, but decides he doesn't care, and drags his boyfriend to his bed. He just tentacled the fuck out of Kravitz and now he needs a damn nap.

“I'm not doing this again for at least another year, just to let you know,” Kravitz mumbles before going out like a light.

_No fun,_ Taako thought, _oh well, no loss of mine._ He zenned out, thinking about how good it'd be next time they get down. 

**Author's Note:**

> Epilogue: Taako steps in dried splooge a few days later and wants to die. The end.


End file.
